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August 25, 2010

Personal Development – Do Self Affirmations Actually Work?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 3:52 am

Do positive self affirmations really work? The short answer is ‘No’ – unless you’ve got a few years to spare and a heavy-duty supply of perseverance. The problem is that self-affirmation is directed at the conscious mind and, sadly, your conscious mind has absolutely nothing to do with how you behave, how you react to people and situations, how you see life in general or, most importantly, the way in which you view yourself. However, as we’ve said, if you throw enough muck at your conscious mind, sooner or later – in fact, definitely later – some of that muck will eventually stick and make some kind of reasonable impression on your subconscious mind. However, you’d have to stick at it religiously and, even then, you’d be facing an uphill war of attrition because your subconscious mind will simply not believe what it’s being told if its view of reality is contrary. How come? Your subconscious mind controls your beliefs, behaviours and reactions and actually creates your very own version of reality. Self-affirmation is like trying to throw snowballs at hell’s fiery furnace!!

However, if you really do want to change your life, some part of your life, or change yourself, your own self esteem or some distasteful behaviour or bad habit, it’s your subconscious mind that you must impress. It holds all the keys, has its hands on all the levers and its feet on all the pedals that either get your life moving forward or, more often than not, grind to an absolute and juddering halt.

In order to impress your subconscious mind, you will have to become just like a little child again – not childish but childlike. When you were young you paid full attention to the reality of the here and now, using each of your five senses – that is how you learned your current set of beliefs about the world and who you think you are. As an adult, you now pay little or no attention to reality today – your subconscious mind kinda makes your reality up for you as it goes along! – with all the normal consequences. You’ve got to get real, to relearn how to pay more attention to what is before your very eyes, instead of paying attention to your subconscious baggage that’s weighing you down.

The normal subconscious mind is wallowing in the past. And the key to your future is to be found in the present. You must understand that the present moment is the only place and time where life is truly lived. In other words, you have to re-learn how to pay attention to what’s really going on, not what your subconscious mind, looking through its dirty lens of past events, thinks is going on. This re-learning process means training yourself how to pay attention to what you see, feel, hear, smell and taste. This training must be undertaken in a quiet place so that, when the wheels starting coming off in the so-called real world, you’re fighting fit and ready to perform in a way that will lead you onwards and upwards towards the life that you really want.

August 24, 2010

Personal Growth And The Oneness Of Spirit, Mind And Body

Filed under: Beginning Recovery — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 7:18 am

I often find it difficult to explore some of the central ideas in what might be termed personal development or self improvement given that everyday language and words prove inadequate. For example, do the words ‘universal energy’ adequately capture the fact that you and I are energy, living in a world and universe comprised solely of vibrating energy and that energy is responsive? Does the sobriquet ‘Law of Attraction’ mean different things to different people? And where are the boundaries between mind, body and spirit?

In fact, of course, there are no boundaries between mind, body and spirit in the same way that there are no limits between us individually and the universe of which we each comprise an indispensable and intergal part. We are not just part of a whole, when it comes to us as individuals, there is just one – mind, body and spirit are simply artificially imagined aspects of the one. This is important because, when you consider the facts in this manner, it is obvious that our thoughts have an immediate impact on how we feel physically and mentally. For example, when one dissects the problem of stress and its very real physical results, we realize that our thoughts directly cause shifts in body temperature and heart rate, changes in the creation and release of a whole range of chemicals all of which, if unchecked, lead to serious illnesses – such as heart attack and stroke – and, if seriously out of control, will lead to untimely death.

My point us this. Our state of mind has a direct impact on the mental state of others around us – this has been proven many times by research in the field of psychology. How much more does our state of mind affect us, ourselves? Your health, fitness and wellbeing are all direct consequences of your mental state. Even your weight – your inclination to put on too much of it or a variety of eating disorders from bulimia to anorexia – is a direct consequence of what is going on in your head.

And what is going on in your head is directly within your own control – or can be if you make the effort to make the simplest and, ultimately, most liberating decision that we can all make as responsible adults – choosing your own thoughts. The normal mind is tortured by ineffective thoughts, most of which emerge from the subconscious. Research concludes that the normal subconscious focuses on the events of our childhood years and is more likely to focus on the more negative events. That is our default state of mind. That is not to say that we can’t choose what we’ll pay attention to, however.

You’re your own boss. Your life, in all its aspects, is created by what you’re paying attention to – whether you know it or not. The ultimate and powerful choice that I’ve just mentioned can be taken, day to day, each moment, by deciding to pay attention to the actual sensory experience of the here and now. This is the only cast-iron way of stopping your own subconscious wallowing in self-sabotaging thoughts. No other way is as effective, no other way gives you the power to completely transform your fitness, your health, your wellness, your personal effectiveness and, ultimately, your ability to live a life of peace, happiness and unbelievable success.

August 20, 2010

Practical Self-Help Ideas: Taking A Breather

Filed under: Beginning Recovery — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 8:51 pm

Once our day swings into action it’s very easy to get swept away by the routine, the urgent (as distinct from the important), the latest minor crisis or, most common of all, unproductive thought. And even though you may have started your day properly, it is simply so easy to become submerged and go back to our default state of unfocused mindlessness.

So, for a start, what does starting your day properly mean? Well, we make certain that we don’t leave the house physically unprepared for the day ahead. We shower and dress ourselves – shaving or applying the odd dab of make-up as required! Conversely, most of us unwittingly set out every morning mentally unprepared for what is lying in waiting. Starting the day properly means making sure that, before you leave the house, you’ve taken the appropriate action to clear the mind and focus your energy. I suggest five to ten minutes mental preparation for the day ahead. Find somewhere where you won’t be disturbed, sit and focus on what your senses are telling you – one sense at a time. This will enable you focus on what is really happening as distinct from the subconscious programs that otherwise run your life – the latter being your default state of mind.

OK, let’s say that you’ve got your day off to the perfect start, you’re tuned in, focused, alert and ready for action. Insignificant things like a delayed train, like heavy traffic, like someone asking you for something unexpectedly – so many little things can rough us up. To say nothing of the big things! It can be so easy to slip and slide mindlessly into mental oblivion as the day unfolds. What we need to do is make sure that, during our day, we pause to catch our breath – literally.

Ancient wisdom emhpasizes the opportunity that our breathing offers us to clear the mind of useless noise and distraction and, in doing so, focus our energy. So, here’s a simple, quick and entirely practical tip – because, after all, you’ve got to breathe anyway! Take a few moments – moments is all that it takes – at various points during the day to turn your attention to the reality of your existence as you breathe in and out. Pay attention to what it feels like to breathe, how your body behaves with each breath that you take, how the air passes through your left, right or both nostrils. Give thanks for the reality that you are alive and breathing. Focus on nothing else for these few moments. If the hassles or useless thoughts of the moment start crowding your mind, take three deeper breaths to focus your mind. With each breath, realize that whatever might be doing your head in right now will be completely forgotten in months, weeks, days or even hours. Understand that, with an focused, alert and ready mind, anything is possible.

Self Improvement On Those Days When You Simply Feel Flat

Filed under: Beginning Recovery — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 7:19 pm

There are occasions when we just feel energy-less – perhaps not disillusioned, dejected or depressed, just plain flat, energy-less and disinterested. And even though I’ve been teaching my many personal development clients how to start each day by tuning in their minds – and I do it myself – sometimes, within no time at all, one ends up feeling, like, ‘I wish I wasn’t here!’ or ‘I just don’t feel like doing this!’ I’m not talking about things going wrong during the day, I’m simply referring to what one client described like this: ‘I get into my office, full of energy, I sit down at my desk, start going through my emails and, suddenly, it’s like I’m in a kind of daze.’

What is it that takes the wind out of our sails so easily? How can we be so fired up one minute and then suddenly so flat? Well, the answer is all too simple – flat is your default state of mind. Yeah, believe it or not, research proves that only the very rare person is tuned in sufficiently to actually be adequately focused and attentive to get all that can be gotten out of the normal day. As if that wasn’t enough, research also confirms that, left to its own devices, our minds slip towards negativity. It’s the way we’re wired – and all the personal development or self improvement in the world won’t personal development or self improvement isn’t going to change that wiring.

But personal development will change the programs that we run. Again, if we do nothing, our subconscious mind is content to watch reruns – to keep running the same old irrelevant programs that make our daily lives uninteresting, mundane, repetitive and boring. You need to get control of the channel changer! Self Improvement will teach you how to change channels so that you stop watching the old programs. It will teach you how to tune in to reality TV – the real reality of the here and now.

Sadly, the feeling of mindless-couldn’t-give-a-damn simply invades our minds by default. And that will forever, for the rest of our lives, be our default state of mind unless you set about developing a mindful, focused, tuned in state of mind – and not only must you do it every single day, you’ve got to find a mechanism to ensure that you can call on that state of mindfulness when you feel that you’re slithering down the inevitable slippery slope towards mindlessness – because, as sure as night follows day, you’ll start slipping and sliding the moment your back is turned.

OK, I’m mixing my metaphors, between computers, televison and slippery slopes – but you get the picture? Our mind is always waiting to mug us – we’ve got to be on alert as much as is humanly possible.

June 5, 2010

Self-Help: Wake Up From Your Trance State

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 10:35 pm

Your mind is anaesthetized. In my personal development work I’ve come across people who cannot stop themselves from doing things that they simply know they shouldn’t be doing. Things like examining every single email when it arrives even though they’re supposed to be focused on something important and they know that most of the emails that they read are a total waste of energy. Things like lying transfixed by the television in the evening with the remote control controlling them, not the other way around. Things like wasting valuable energy surfing the internet looking at porn when it’s gone beyond whatever kick it might have first produced. People re-reading news stories from half a dozen different sources when they have better things to be doing. Make up your own list.

When we were children, we lived for the moment. As adults we don’t even turn up to the here and now. As the physiology of our brains changed as we moved through adolescence, we became anaesthetized by automatic responses and reactions and by fifty thousand random thoughts that now whizz through our head every day. Consequently, we end up wasting time and energy on things that we know we shouldn’t be doing – not content to waste our time on things like I’ve already mentioned, we’re also driven demented worrying about things that we don’t want to happen, worrying about what kind of an impression we’re making (or not making!), worrying what other people think of us.

In the process, we’re simply not all there! We’re missing in action! And, until we wrest control of our own state of mind, there’s no point in wondering why our life is ‘not-so-bad’ or the way it is – it’s that way because it’s our own fault. You’ve got to be interested enough in your own well-being to put in an appearance in your own life. If you do, it will change your life.

Turning up isn’t half the battle – in fact it’s all that you need to do. Because if you’re present, your very presence will make a difference, to your own focus and to those around you – they’ll know there’s a difference but won’t even be able to put their finger on it. How do you turn up? How do you put in an appearance? Isn’t it obvious? Where is life lived? Where is the only place and time that you can be at any moment in time? Wherever you are – in the here and now. You’ve got to gain control of your wandering mind, you will have to stop it forcing you to sit in front of that TV or PC, you’ve got to snap out of the trance you’re in. And the only way you will do that is by paying attention to what is actually going on in the present moment.

But, as a normal adult, you’ve simply never done that, so you’re going to have to do a little training. You can start by taking or making a few minutes each day to sit down where you won’t be disturbed and very mechanically look, feel, listen, smell and taste what’s going on. It has to be mechanical for a start – you’re going to have to relearn what it’s like to pay attention to the exhilarating sensory feast of the here and now – something that you haven’t done since you were a child. If you do, you’ll snap out of your trance, you’ll wake up, smell the roses and realize the beauty and opportunity of today.

May 28, 2010

Personal Effectiveness: The Meaning Of Awareness

Filed under: Beginning Recovery — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 2:33 pm

I get these strange comments to some of my posts. I recently posted a piece on the importance of paying attention to the here and now, which made the point that it’s the only time and place that you can be – and if you couldn’t be bothered to turn up to the reality of the here and now, how can you reasonably expect to get anything much out of life. I received a comment – from someone who signed themselves as a “personal development expert” said that, OK, the here and now is all very well – but really personal development is about choice and awareness.

So, here’s the big question: What is Awareness? Let’s make it even easier – what can you be aware of at any particular point in time? Of course, you could be aware of your thoughts – most people aren’t because, as decades of research prove, most people aren’t aware of anything much at all. You could be aware that you’re feeling frustrated or fearful – but these so-called emotions are nothing more than the product of the thoughts that you’re not aware of in the first place. You could be aware of how you feel about yourself – your own self-image – but that’s not awareness, that’s getting involved in the continuous internal power struggle between you and your personality (remember, personality is dervided from the Latin word, “persona”, meaning a mask and your personality is simply the amalgamation of all the personal “snapshots” you took as a child).

Real awareness is being aware of the here and now. To paraphrase the Buddha, when I am walking, I am aware that I am putting one foot in front of the other. Only in the present moment will you find reality. In fact – scientific fact as probed by quantum physics – only in the present moment does anything exist and all that exists is changing moment to moment.

And what of the choice we must make? We have a stark choice that has a fundamental impact on our lives – we can choose to be aware or we can (and this is the mindless choice made by normal people) choose to live in a make-believe world created by our own, predominantly negative, thoughts. This is a choice that we must make time and again, in each moment because no one becomes aware and stays aware – it is a continual in exactly the same way that the reality of the world in which we live is an ongoing process.

The life you are living is how it is as a result of your action, reaction or inaction in the present moment. The normal person reacts to their own thoughts and perceptions. The extraordinarily successful person acts on the basis of the facts in the moment and, as a result, creates a life that is exciting, spontaneous, adventurous, fulfilled and successful. Now, do you think you might be up to making that choice?

May 4, 2010

Self Motivation

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 2:37 pm

For over 14 years, in my two-day workshop, I’ve asked my clients if they think that they’re perfect. Everyone answers “No” . It’s pretty difficult to motivate yourself if there are things about yourself that you don’t like. And, indeed, chances are that there are things that you don’t like about yourself that you’ve been meaning to change but never do. In fact, research shows that most people have the same New Year’s Resolutions from one year to the next! And, as if that weren’t enough, people then read so-called self-help books and try to talk themselves into feeling good and being motivated.

Self-affirmation is pretty much a waste of time. Positive self-talk peppers the conscious mind with feel-good statements that don’t make the conscious mind feel good! Because the conscious mind feels nothing – it just thinks – approximately 50,000 random thoughts each day. And most of those random thoughts are either useless or self-destructive. You’re barking up the wrong tree!

It’s your subconscious mind you want to get in touch with. That’s where you’ll find your self-doubts and your misconceived self-perceptions. Your subconscious uses those incorrect self-perceptions to create your everyday behaviour – your perceived strengths, your perceived weaknesses and their related self-defence mechanisms. Your subconscious was programmed with your view or yourself during your formative years. Today, it’s your subconscious mind’s out of date self-view that creates your reality.

Your subconscious mind, which is visual, took snapshots of the things that impressed you when you were young and impressionable. Those snapshots are programs that run today to enable you behave automatically through what psychology calls automaticity. Automaticity is wonderful when it comes to getting habitual repetitive tasks done without you having to think about them. Unfortunately your entire life is habitual and repetitive, your work colleagues and your nearest and dearest are so familiar to you that everything you do to them, for them and with them ends up being habitual and repetitive. So, in fact, automaticity “enables” you do almost everything without thinking about it. You don’t even have to bother to turn up!

Research confirms that you only put 1% of you into the here and now. No wonder most people don’t love themselves – they don’t know themselves. How could they, they’re not all there!

Therefore, to motivate yourself you need to stop behaving automatically. Let’s make it simple by starting small. Stop doing little things automatically and, sooner or later, you’ll start doing really important things mindfully too. Tonight, brush your teeth with the hand with which you don’t habitually brush your teeth. The result will be that you will be more “all there” than normal and you will have started to disrupt your repetitive pattern of normal mindless living. This will attract more of your subconscious mind’s attention into the here and now, so that you’ll begin to pay less attention to the snapshots that have been dictating your automatic behaviour.

Talking yourself into being motivated won’t work – the normal person isn’t listening anyway! You simply have to be a little more present than normal – that’s all! Then you’ll be more effective, more productive, more tuned it – about yourself and life. And, when you’re more turned on, more alert and more present, you have presence. Presence will make you more impressive. So, not only will you motivate yourself, you may well motivate others around you too!

April 3, 2010

Personal Growth- Alterations And Personal Development Creates A More Positive Life

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 2:01 am

Personal growth is unique for all people. It is because we are unique individuals and it is how we see ourselves rather than how we see other people. Personal growth is about us and our expectations for achieving our goals and what we are seeking in life. What is really compelling is how we feel about ourselves, our real self. Not any of us are born with all of the abilities to mount every situation in our life single handily. I believe it is something that progresses as we live and learn. Not everyone sees the need for growth in their life and they are offended if someone mentions it. To me, success and a beautiful life is finding out that life can be dealt with better when we seek personal change and personal development. It means we are smart in that we know it can only bring us more well-being in life.

One can only seek within themselves for their need as only they know or can learn exactly what might be lacking or that they are possibly stranded in a rut in their life. We cannot look at other people and measure our success or how we need to perform or act. We are being unfair and unwise if we choose to do the latter. If I were to try to judge or duplicate my life pattern after my friend; it could lead to self destruction because our life has had different strategies from birth until now. The reason my friend may have progressed further in some areas of life than I have, may be because they may have had different blessing that I may not have had. We may have had different expectations, different perspectives, and different views of what might be most important in life at some points. The main goal I think is to really know what is of value in life. Values of life are not totally about having “money” or “wealth.” It is who we are and what we have done with the dash between the two dates on our tombstone…I’ll just bet you have heard that one.

I believe we must ask ourselves if we are happy with whom we are? Do we feel that our reaction toward life in general is appropriate? personal change and Growth means it is something about us that we want to be improved, something we would like to be rid of or something that needs to be less noticeable, if possible. It could be as simple as needing to be more aware of other people’s needs. This could be something that comes when we are trying to manage other people in our professional life. Are we totally focused on getting the job done at all cost; without noticing why an employee screwed up the plan? Being sensitive to other people’s needs will enrich your ability to be an influence to your staff. To me it takes a manager who is aware that the job cannot be done without a team effort of his or hers and the employees. An employee cannot feel comfortable to perform if they are afraid of criticism from the boss. Their performance will be lacking their best efforts due to the stress of “nothing is going to right” for the boss.

Our life should have some kind of plan, we have to know, the best we can what that plan is; that is if we are seeking to better our life. An individual cannot totally dwell only on themselves to be successful. We have to depend upon others in most parts of our life. Family, friend, career, personal life, spiritual life etc… No one lives and dwells by themselves; life is filled with other people that we must interact with. We must trust, and take a chance on others and if we cannot live quietly with others; then we may need to seek more personal development.

Change is probably necessary to improve. Life is about change and without change we are not going to grow. Most people have a blurred vision to change. It means I have to learn and do something different and I am used to doing it this way and I don’t like the fact it is changing….we have heard this at least a few time. Most of the time I think we become unhappy with change as we have either grown careless with our life or we are just plain old lazy and it could be because we are not taking life seriously. This is when we definitely need to “change” our views on life. At some point it will come home to haunt us. In my book; not anyone is too good for change!!!

March 25, 2010

Observe Beneath The Surface To Find Our Unseen Potential

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 1:18 am

This subject is not new; in fact it has been around since about the 1960’s when the full potential movement and growing personally began to surface. So I am not giving any new awareness in these pages; but a brush up course.

Most of us from time to time realize something might be missing in our life. We are not sure exactly what it is, all we know is, something is just not as it should be. After writing some articles about personal growth, I have found that so many people have lost their perception of whom they are and where they want to go. They are aware to some degree of their capabilities; but getting out of the deep freeze is not always easy. Then there are some who forget that we are all born with power . So for those….I say, you have what it takes to succeed. You and only you must have courage, which may be dormant also, just like your potential to make your life more enjoyable. You can unlock yourself, start hearing your heart and soul messages. if you really listen to your own soul; I believe you will make the right moves in your life. You spiritual self, your soul will usually tell you when you are doing something right or wrong. There is no feeling like the good feeling that you feel when you now you have made the right choice. Listen to it or try to learn to. Let go of fear, and remember that struggles help us grow stronger. You can find many ways to help yourself become more aware of what you might need; and get yourself a Life Coach, if you are not getting anywhere on your own.

What exactly is Potential and Capabilities? Let’s start with this in mind….

Potential is something that is sometimes: hidden, dormant, undeveloped, not recognized but promising. It is definitely the following: inherent, possible, probably, ability, power, capacity and many other things.

If you are misleading yourself from discovering your full potential, please stop doing that. Find the courage to seek further within yourself for this important piece of pie that you have been given by the Divine. Look to your spiritual self and deep within your soul to be enriched with a new found power to set on fire the dormant potential that may need awakening.

A capability is described as: ability to perform, competence. Capacity is the general ability to comprehend an issue or perform a task. Capability implies a reference to one set of such abilities.

There is nothing wrong with wanting or being pretty, (this is only one example of how we deviate from what is important sometimes) but if we have not opened our mind to what is more important in life; then we not only do not know the true meaning of beauty, but our knowledge has somehow been misconstrued. There are other examples that we can get side tracked with which hinder our growth and keep us in the everyday rut of not reaching for full potential. But, if you are reading this, then somehow you desire to know more. If one is satisfied where they are and do not intend to progress…it is their life, their success and their decision.

Being clear on our priorities is one step forward, clearing out the cobwebs in our mind that we have to be like others and having the ability to stand alone with our values (if they are different), and being firm with our statement of who we are. A person, who has to go along with the crowd, has lost their ability to be true to themselves. I know it is not easy to say, I have a different view from the majority, but it is one of the most intellectual decisions one can make. Kind of like when you were in your teens and you were leaving the house and your Mom said in that soft, sweet voice…. “Remember who “you” are!” That is the best advice I have ever heard….

March 5, 2010

Personal Progress -Change Is About Self Discipline And For Those Who Need It!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — User2 @ 1:15 am

Personal growth or personal development means many different things to each of us. We are all different individuals and it takes a wise person to see they might have flaws and need to growth or change in some of their actions. Personal growth is about us and our expectations of us. The most important aspect of personal growth is how you feel about yourself. Do you see yourself relating to others, be it family, friends or co-workers appropriately? Are you living your life totally, completely and in line with how you think you should? Are you happy with how you deal with life or do you see yourself needing to change some things? Positive Changes does not indicate we are necessarily bad. It does not mean that we are debilitated in our life or living an inappropriate life but that we want to live a more durable life.

Another individual cannot tell you that you are in need of Personal Growth. It is a conscious decision that one makes for ones self. Opposition is part of deciding if this is where we need to go. Sometimes we see the need to grow when life has thrown us a curve and we can’t get back on track, we need to learn something about whom we are and why we are reacting the way we are. Sometimes it is about success in our life; success we do not think that we have. We are not where we want to be and we need help to remove the obstacles that seem to be standing in the way.

I have seen very egotistical people who seemed to think they know all the right ways and it is their way or no way. It seems that the people who need personal growth the most are carrying around baggage and do not even realize it. They are baffled, intolerant and suspicious of others or they would not be trying to prove they know it all. No one knows it all, not today, not yesterday nor will they tomorrow. It does not matter how intelligent one is; it is how they relate themselves to other people. They think everyone else is lacking and they feel all of their expertise is being wasted. When in all actuality; their expertise is not visible due to their attitude.

To see the need for personal growth means you are seeking either recovery or possibly purification from something or someone. Maybe it is only that you need to change the way you perceive something that has changed you life. Influencing your self awareness can’t be all bad. It actually means you have depth of wanting to beautify your soul. You could be doing everything suitably and everybody is happy, including yourself, but in reality; probably not. I am afraid that not many of us are happy all the time. Life isn’t all wine and roses and happiness is a frame of mind and begins within us like everything else….how many time have I said all of this begins within us?

If we are happy the way we are it means we have comprehended something very important. When we get to this state in our life and we feel a sense of accomplishment; it bring contentment and a feeling of being at peace with ourselves and others.

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